Kali is uncontrolled, Kali is free. Control is so highly prized in Hindu society. Use control to reach enlightenment, Don't let go, or you might set yourself back a million lives, and be that much further away for the ultimate goal. Kali throws all that away. She is the ultimate avatar of letting go. Enjoy yourself. She doesn't care about the consequences, what will happen will happen. If through her freedom she destroys the world, so be it. Her dance is an extension of her freedom, without constraint. The only man in her life is Siva, and he can't control her. He has to lie down and let her do what she wishes, and hope she'll calm down.
When Adam tried to control Lilith, she left him. She wouldn't be controlled by God, she left his little plan for humanity, and refused to go back when angels were sent after her. She refused to be destroyed for leaving, she left and got to be on her own. She managed to escape the bind of God's plan for humanity, she wouldn't be controlled by anyone, not even her own creator. She would do what she wanted, escaping the entire human race, and instead living free, doing what she pleased. She mated with demons, and gave birth to children who preyed upon humans, but she didn't care.
Kali and Lilith are the ultimate expression of female freedom. They have left behind all attempts of others to control them. They are their own persons. They deny the fact that they do, or could, belong to anyone. They are free, to do what they want. So free, in fact, that they ignore the consequences, not even the possibility that they may be harming others stops them. they take freedom to its extremes, and in so, go too far.