Kali is the uncontrolled force. She is ultimate energy. Her husband, Siva, is the one that usually has to be restraied from destroying the world, but with Kali it is the other way around. He has to appease her. He has to lie down as if dead underneath her dancing feet and be trampled upon. He has to calm down this wife with his own submission. This is a complete reversal from his relationship with Parvati, in which she is the one who calms him, she is the homemaker and pacifies Siva into the life of the home, away from destruction. Kali is the active destructive uncontrollable force here. She upsets the normal balance of power between Hindu gods and goddesses, in which the goddess is the power behind the god, but does not act herself. Here Kali is both the power and the action. She doesn't need a man to do. She needs a man to keep her from doing.
Lilith was the woman who at the beginning of creation just left. She left her husband, the man who was created as the very same being as she was before they were separated into two. She wanted equality. Or perhaps even superiority. In sex, she wanted to be on top. And Adam wanted some measure of control over her, so she just left. The first woman had the power to leave when the relationship didn't suit her, and find her own life. She walked out and found demons to fulfill her pleasures with. She chose who she wanted to be with, she decided the course of her own life. God, her "father," did not have the right to enforce her arranged marriage with Adam. He let her leave, unlike most fathers with arranged marriage in traditional society, although admittedly he did not let her leave without objections. And even once she was "married" or at least betrothed, she chose to leave. This divorce was initiated by the woman. She was not satified, so she left.
Both Kali and Lilith represent power that is not often open to use by women. They are more powerful than men, they are the ones who choose to use their power. They are dangerous in their power, they use it destructively. But still, they have been taken as models of powerful women, the power so often denied to the fairer sex. These two have proved not only are women powerful, neither are they necessarily the fairer sex.