In much of the iconography of Kali, she is portrayed as dancing on top of Siva's prone form. But it goes further than that. Not only is she dancing on his body, but this dance is also a dance of sex. Kali is straddling Siva. She is on top. She is in control. He is passive, allowing her to be in control. He satiates her desire to destroy by offering her sex, and sex in which she is in control. He is acted upon. If Siva doesn't give in to Kali, and let her be the controller, she will destroy the world. In Siva's relation to his other wife, the "householder" Parvati, she is the one who must keep him from destroying the world. But the roles are reversed with Kali. She is more uninhibited than even Siva. She goes further than he does, and he has to recognize that she is more of a danger than his own self. As such, he takes on the role of Parvati, the perfect suffering wife, with Kali, to try to placate her and keep her happy.
Lilith left Adam because of sex. They were created from the same form, and Lilith saw nothing wrong in her being on top. In fact, that was what she wanted. But Adam did not want to let his other half have this position of superiority, and he raised objections. Lilith did not want to be denied, she did not want to hear why she should lie and be acted upon, instead of enjoying herself fully being the instigator of sex. So she left. Adam wanted to control her, and that was something she would have nothing of. Lilith ran off and found a group of demons in the Red Sea. With these demons she found sexual gratification, and gave birth to a host of demons, more than a hundred a day, male and female, the lilin and the liliths. These demon children, born out of her illicit union, are condemned to die, a hundred a day, in return for Lilith's ability to prey upon human children in the period in which they are unclean. Lilith preyed upon Adam also after he left. During his period of penitence after being thrown out of the garden, Lilith came to him. She bore spirits and demons off of his noturnal emissions. Male spirits, perhaps the children of Lilith, came to Eve and bore spirits and demons off of her at the same time. Lilith is the ultimate women empowered in sex. As the ultimate succubus, such is almost her definition. She finds an amount of freedom through her revelling in sex, yet she still has to watch a hundred of her children die a day, and she still is banished to outside human society.
Kali and Lilith take charge in sex. They revel in it. No longer is sex a "chore" to be performed, or even something that both partners enjoy but initiated by the man. They control sex. They have complete control over their own sexuality, they will not be held in check by their partners. They find freedom and power in their control of themselves and their bodies.